Wilson (N.C.) Daily Times
Friday, September 15, 2000

Denise Ryan with FireStar speaks at the Wilson Country Club.
(Photo by Brendan Rooney)

Women told to make and pursue goals
By Heather Wilkerson, Daily Times Staff Writer

Denise Ryan loves quotations. She lives by the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, Gandhi, Henry David Thoreau, William Ernest Henley, Winston Churchill and Henry Ford. She tapes quotes on her mirrors at home, on her computer and on her refrigerator. And she uses the powerful words, along with her motivational speaking talent to re-energize people all over the state.

Ryan, lead presenter for her company, FireStar, presented a seminar Wednesday on "The Professional Woman." When she was done, 30 women walked away from the Wilson Country Club with a new sense of image, attitude and success.

Dressed in a black skirt and a bold multi-colored jacket, Ryan flashed a smile and asked her audience, "How do you want to be perceived in the office?" Confident," one person yelled out. "Professional," said another. The word "powerful" echoed from the back.

" Powerful," Ryan repeated. "Now there's a word. ... Sometimes women are afraid of power." That's evident in the way some women carry themselves, Ryan said.

She gave her audience examples of body language that conveys weakness versus body language that conveys power.

" Women tend to want to take up as little space as possible," Ryan said. "Men on the other hand, sometimes sit in meetings with their arms stretched. They make big gestures. Women need to do that. Women need to feel comfortable taking up their space."

Sometimes women smile too much, Ryan said. And while smiles can work to a woman's advantage, "We need to learn to be serious when we need to be," she said. Nervous gestures, such as twiddling your thumbs and playing constantly with your paper, also convey weakness. Good eye contact, on the other hand, conveys power.

Questions that women ask can signal weakness or power, too. "Women don't feel good enough about their thoughts," Ryan said. "Don't say 'Do you think that's a good idea?' Say 'That's a good idea.'"

Attitude is the key to success, Ryan said. FireStar, a firm specializing in enthusiasm, has developed six steps to enthusiasm, a better attitude, and ultimately — to success.

Step one is to want it, Ryan said. "If you can command yourself, you can command the world," Ryan said, referring to a Chinese proverb. "You already have everything you need to be happy," she said. "Every day you create your reality. What are you creating? ... Attitude really is everything, and you have the power over yours. The key is not to give it away. True freedom comes from how you respond to what happens to you."

A quote from John Milton that Ryan finds true: "Each man can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell."

Step two is to wake up and start dreaming. "It is so easy to sleep through your life," she said. "Everybody has a special gift. Search for it." Ryan encouraged her female audience to live consciously. "Know yourself," she said. "And live like you mean it."  

Ryan asked everyone in the audience to write down something they would do if there was a guarantee that they would not fail. "You have a unique gift that the world is waiting for," she said.

The third step is to conquer the enemy — fear. "Fear is what keeps us in places we don't want to be," Ryan said.She encouraged listeners to get out of their comfort zone. "You are much stronger than you think you are," Ryan said. "Fear is a choice. It's all mental." Once a fear is conquered, "you own it," Ryan said. 

Goal setting is the fourth step to enthusiasm, a better attitude, and success. Ryan encouraged members of the audience to write down their goals. "If they're not written, they're not goals," she said. Her audience started listing goals during the seminar.

Ryan stressed the importance of reading your goals daily and setting a time frame in which to achieve the goal.
But "we don't fail," she said. "We just run out of time." Ryan said victory celebrations should be held for each goal achieved. A celebration could be as simple as buying a new outfit or throwing yourself a party.

The power of belief is step five. Quoting William James, Ryan said, "In any project the important factor is your belief. Without belief, there can be no successful outcome."

Ryan's suggestion: "Fake it till you make it." "Act as if you already have the trait you desire," she said. "When you walk in a building, act like you own it. Fake it till you make it."

Ryan said every woman should have 10 affirmations that she reads out loud in front of the mirror every day, such as "I love you," "You are beautiful" and "I am a success."

The final step Ryan calls, "Burn, Baby, Burn! Action!" "Every day do at least one thing that will get you closer to achieving your goals," Ryan said. "If your goal is a great trip somewhere, open the account into which you are going to start putting the money. Request brochures. If your goal is to write a book, draft an outline. Write one page. Get a book on how to write a book.

And "never, never, never, never give up." — Winston Churchill.

You may reach Heather Wilkerson at heather@wilsondaily.com.
On the net: Denise Ryan can be reached at info@firestarspeaking.com