Finally!! Our first issue of the online version of The FlameThrower!
We welcome your thoughts and feedback! Thanks for signing up!

Why Your New Year's Resolutions Won't Stick
Some people won’t even make New Year’s resolutions anymore. Not because they don’t want to improve their lives, but because they’ve tried and failed so many times, they’ve given up. It’s not the resolution maker who’s the failure, it’s the methodology we’ve been using to try and bring about radical change in our lives.

To add something to your life, you have to give something up. I believe this is the number one reason why most people fail at changing their lives. They don’t want to give anything up - they just want to add more! Let me give you an example. Let’s say you have vowed to start exercising. You already have a full life, you’re not spending hours sitting on the couch staring at the ceiling longing for something to do. You already feel like your days are too short. But you make the resolution that you will exercise for at least an hour everyday. You plan to get up an hour earlier.

This plan is DOOMED I tell you! You probably don’t get enough sleep as it is! You can’t simply dip even further into your already depleted reserves! You might make it for a week or two, until the sheer exhaustion forces you to hit snooze and beat yourself up for being such a weak willed failure.

Here’s the real deal - to add anything, you HAVE to give something up. To add an hour of exercise each day, you have to decide what current activity you are willing to give up (sleep doesn’t count - most people aren’t getting the eight hours they need already). Are you willing to stop watching your favorite television program? Are you going to spend less time with your children or your significant other or your friends? These aren’t easy choices, but they are the ones that have to be made if you really are going to change your life.

The same choice has to be made if you are going to change something in your business. If you want to expand into new territory - what are you willing to give up? Your smaller clients? Your lean staffing? Your low payroll? To add something new, you have to give something up or the addition will never happen. The key to success is making this choice consciously.

This is harder than you think - most people do not want to give up anything. They want to keep all their old habits and routines AND have the results of their new activity. I am telling you, you have no room in your current life for any additions. You have got to let something go. Want to be more organized? What current activity are you going to give up to get the time to be organized? Want to lose weight? What current food based activities are you willing to give up? What are you willing to give up that will give you the time to prepare low calorie meals and to learn about nutrition? Want to meet new people? Advance at work? What are you currently doing that you are willing to give up to create the required time to pursue those goals?

This process requires being honest on your part. You may say, -There is no way I’m willing to give up any of my time with my children to start exercising. - Okay, then you can either 1.) find something else to give up, 2.) exercise with your kids (but realize the limitations and have reasonable expectations), or 3.) admit to yourself that exercising isn’t as important to you as the other things in your life.

This process will help clarify what is really important to you. It will help you realize that your life is the result of a series of choices you make. The key to having the life you want is making these choices consciously.

To summarize:

Realize you can’t have it all and stop trying to - you only set yourself up for failure.

Decide what you are willing to give up in order to have something else.

Truly let go of the things you are not willing to make time for. Celebrate the time with your children, don’t spend it beating yourself up over not exercising.

All of your goals don’t have to be accomplished today. Maybe you spend time with your children now while they are young, and you launch your exercise program when they are older.

Stop comparing yourself with others. Some people may seem to have it all, but trust me, they don’t. They made choices too. I can spend hours in the gym because I made the choice not to have children. And this life is all about what brings YOU joy, not what others are doing. They might be making more money, but they may have a lot more stress. You can’t know what their lives are really like, so stop thinking about it. You get one shot to live YOUR life.

If you will use this method of consciously choosing how you will spend your time, and as a result, how you will live your life, you’ll have a lot more happiness. Just remember, for lasting change decide exactly what you will give up to add the new behavior. Here’s to a great 2005!

What Buying A Car Taught Me About Sales
Last month, my little red Celica gave up the ghost. I loved that car, but after 178,000 miles in four years, it was time to get a new vehicle. Since it had been such a great car, I decided to simply get a new one. I walked into the Toyota dealership ready to buy. It was then that my nightmare began. Here’s what I learned:

1) Poor greetings anger the customer. I walked straight into the dealership, dressed nicely, with checkbook in hand. No one greeted me. Several salesmen avoided eye contact. I finally went to the sales manager’s desk (positioned to overlook the whole showroom like a prison guard) and he told me to wait, that someone would be with me in a minute and returned to his phone call. Hello! Show some enthusiasm, salespeople! I’m about to make a major purchase and you don’t seem to give a damn! Was it because I was a woman with no man to help poor little ‘ol me buy a car? Or was it because they didn’t know how to greet anyone? We’ll never know.

2) A lack of product knowledge can kill you. I knew exactly what I wanted - a brand new, red Celica. I was ready to pay cash. I just wanted to see the car. They said they didn’t have any on the lot. I said the 2005 had some features that were different from the 2000 and I wanted to see them. (I had done my homework). They didn’t even have a photograph of the 2005 Celica! When I asked about the wheels (some come with special alloy wheels) - the salesman replied -Well, they’re round. - Now I was really angry.

3) No one likes the hard sell and other tricky sales techniques. Well, I was pretty unhappy with these guys, but I wanted the Celica. Once I’d get angry with the salesman, they’d switch and send in the sales manager. I’d make them an offer and they’d keep me waiting while they -went to see if they could get it approved. - They were jerking me around and I knew it. My love of the Celica was the only thing keeping me there. Note to car salesmen - we know you are jerking us around and we don’t like it. You are making your customers your enemies. No one likes dealing with you.

4) The Internet changes everything. I escaped with my life (barely) - I had to write up a sales order (noncommittal - no $) for them to agree to get the Celica on the lot so I could see it. In the meantime, I visited my Pop in Hilton Head. He got a quote over the Net for $1,000 less with no negotiation! The Internet took all the pain out of it - no switching people, no putting you in tiny rooms with finance guys. I decided I should use the -Net myself and got a quote on another car (I was pretty unhappy with Toyota) - the 350Z - one sweet ride if I say so myself. Vincent Elliott, the Internet Sales Manager at Michael Jordan Nissan, responded immediately to my e-mail with a good price on the Z. And he was enthusiastic about my inquiry! Yes, I felt it through his e-mail! I also should tell you some Nissan dealers didn’t even bother to respond to my request (too bad for them). The first time I walked into the dealership, Vincent was there (on his usual day off) with a big smile. I left driving a gorgeous, FireStar red 350Z.

Enthusiasm and honesty sell, tricks and high pressure cost you customers. When will salespeople (and sales managers) learn?

Stop Making the Same Mistakes
We’ve all done it - made the same mistake more than once. Maybe it’s the mistake of falling for the same type of person (who’s bad for you) over and over or maybe it’s failing to lose weight over and over or failing to close sale after sale. Here’s a process to help you stop the cycle:

Step One - Accept responsibility. Admit that the one common factor in all these repeated mistakes is you.

Step Two - Decide if you really want to fix the mistake. Do you want to give up the bad guys (or girls), the sweets and chips, the downtime of not having to service clients?

Step Three - Get smart. Get your hands on great books on your area of concern. Read multiple, reputable sources and look for common advice and ideas. No one source has all the answers. You have to completely understand your mistakes. Sometimes knowledge alone is enough to stop us from repeating the mistake.

Step Four - Practice introspection. Now that you have some real knowledge - apply it. Figure out why you are making the mistake. Maybe you are repeating childhood patterns, maybe you are eating because you are bored, maybe you don’t close sales because you are afraid of rejection.

Step Five - Identify ways to avoid making the mistake again. During your research, you’ll discover that thousands of people have struggled with the same issues. You’ll discover dozens of solutions although not all of them will work for you. You need to pick some you will you actually execute. Will you really stop all contact with the jerk? Are you really going to start running five miles a day? Will you really make 15 cold calls a day? If no, pick another solution or scale this solution down.

Step Six - Implement one of the new solutions. Substitute new behavior for the old mistake causing behavior.

Step Seven - Evaluate and adjust. The first solution you try may not work for you. That’s okay - there are plenty more where that one came from.

Let your mistakes change you.

Recommended Reading
You know how I love to pass on the great books I read (and I’d LOVE to hear from you about great books you’ve read - shoot me an e-mail at deniseryan@firestarspeaking.com).

Selling the Invisible by Harry Beckwith - a terrific book for those of you who sell and/or market services. Easy to read, full of ideas.

The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho - great stuff! Easy to read, really makes you think - one of those books that addresses man’s eternal search for meaning. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the book: - ...a disciple such as you can never imitate his guide’s steps. You have your own way of living your life, of dealing with problems, and of winning. Teaching is only demonstrating that it is possible. Learning is making it possible for yourself. -

Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy - this is an easy to read, good book on time management.

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell - FASCINATING!! If you only read one book this year - read this one. Gives you great insight into how we make decisions - how quickly our minds work and sometimes how very right or very wrong we are.

Thanks for reading!

And don't forget, if you need a great speaker, or know someone who does, call us!

Denise Ryan
FireStar
(919) 788-0291
www.firestarspeaking.com