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Never Be Lonely Again

There’s a loneliness epidemic according to a recent Meta-Gallup poll. 25% of people worldwide feel very or fairly lonely. Everyone has felt at least a little lonely at some point in their lives. Hey – who hasn’t thrown a good old pity party lamenting the fact that “no one really understands me”?

The good news is that as you get older, you get over this. But, if you’re not there yet, let’s beat back loneliness and increase your happiness!  

1.)   Realize that loneliness is a state of mind. You can be in a crowd of people and be lonely or be on a desert island and be content. I think most people feel lonely because they feel they don’t have love. But if we are truly honest with ourselves, we all have some form of love in our lives. It may not be from the hot guy/girl you met online, it may be from your mom, but you still have love. You can decide you are surrounded by love any time you want to. When I experienced the wonder of Yellowstone, I felt love – love from and for the beauty of this world. 

2.)   Remember social media is smoke and mirrors. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve seen celebrating a couple’s undying love mere weeks before they broke up. Want to feel better? Get off Facebook and watch Dateline. See a few crimes of passion and flying solo won’t seem so bad.

3.)   Get out of your own head. Rumination is our downfall – we catastrophize, thinking things like, “no one will ever love me” or we idealize what a relationship would be like, thinking only of the good. Like anything else, relationships have both good and bad. People you love also get on your nerves. When I was single, I’d plan a cool trip every year at Christmas so I wouldn’t be home alone having a pity party. And I loved the day after Valentine’s Day! All that candy at half price? Yes! Be your own Valentine and you’ll always get what you want.

4.)   If you’re in a relationship and you feel lonely, maybe you need to spend more time with friends. One person can’t supply all your needs. If you don’t have supportive friends, get out there! Go to Meetup events, volunteer for a cause you care about, or reach out to someone you’ve lost touch with. Unless you want to connect with the Amazon delivery person, no one is going to show up on your doorstep.

5.)   Change your focus. Stop focusing on what you think is missing from your life and start celebrating all you have. I think this why we are less lonely as we get older. We know that love is everywhere. It is the sun that warms your face on a gorgeous day. It is the birds that visit your feeder. It is the neighbor who waves as you walk by. It is everywhere if you will just see it.

 

 

Is Your Personality Burning You Out?

Burnout is everywhere lately. I guess going through a global pandemic, shifting to at home work, going back to the office, getting your brain around AI, dealing with labor shortages, and trying to keep up with about 192 different communication channels might do that to a person. But you know what really might be responsible for your burnout? Your personality.

Two personality types tend toward burnout – perfectionists and people pleasers. Some people are both (and are barely able to lift their exhausted heads to read this). I am definitely on Team Perfection, and I bet many of you are too.  Do you hold yourself to a high standard on almost everything you do? Do you feel driven to keep on meeting your responsibilities no matter what? Do you always strive to do your best?

That’s definitely me. I kept up my walking routine even with a fractured heel. I plan things obsessively. I’ve spent countless hours finding the perfect pictures for a PowerPoint presentation. And when I think about it, I’ve never heard anyone say, “Wow, that speaker was terrible, but their slide deck was off the chain! Let’s hire them!” No one really cares.

That’s perfectionism, tweaking the details beyond the point at which they really matter. And there’s a good part of me that values perfectionism. I want every aspect of my work to be as good as it can be. I would rather die than quiet quit. That’s not who I am. And I bet that’s not who you are either. After all, you’re taking the time to read a motivational newsletter.

But all this striving comes at a cost. No matter how hard we try, we can’t be 100% perfect. We could always do something better, faster, more creatively.  So instead, we give it our best then beat ourselves up about how we could have been better, faster, or more creative. It’s exhausting, and over time, the stress of all this self-flagellation can lead to burnout. (I haven’t even addressed trying to please everyone all the time. If I had that affliction as well, my head would have exploded long ago.)

So what, fellow perfectionists, do we do? Just like in AA, the first step is admitting you have a problem.  If work that you used to enjoy now leaves you exhausted, cynical, and frustrated, you have a problem.

Step Two – Give yourself a reason to change. I have to stop with the perfectionism because I spend way too much time working. I’m missing my life. I love my work, but I want to spend more time doing other things I enjoy. I want to travel to more places before I have to use a walker. What do you want to do? Spend more time with your kids? Grandkids? Work on your health? Figure it out, then when that perfectionism kicks in, ask yourself, “Do I need to rewrite this email or see the Northern Lights/watch my children grow up/lower my A1C?” Really, what the hell are we doing?

Step Three – Start enforcing hard stops.  Examples: I will not work past 6:00 pm. Or I will not work on the weekends. Or I will not check email on vacation. Or maybe the hard stop is deciding how much time a project really deserves in advance. I will only spend one hour working on this godforsaken PowerPoint deck. I will only attend three meetings to discuss this project. (Please someone stop with the virtual meetings!)

Step Four – Try less than perfect when the stakes are low. Don’t rinse off the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher. Don’t reprint a document because it’s slightly crooked. Let it go, let it go, let it go. The more you realize that other people don’t care; that the end results aren’t impacted, the more you can turn down the pressure on yourself.

Step Five – Start being your own hero. No one is going to stop you from working yourself to death. No one will tell you, “Hey. I just sent you an email. It’s okay if you don’t respond till Monday.” Your perfectionistic, people pleasing mind is going to think, “I must respond right away, or they will think I’m a slacker. Who cares if I miss my child’s first steps/skip my workout and die of a heart attack/never see the Northern Lights?” You need a hero, and that hero is you.

10 Tips for Beating Burnout

There is no better time to work on your mental health than during the supposedly lazy days of summer. The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and the living is easy. Or at least that’s how it looks in the movies. Reality might be more like the humidity is high, the kids are on my nerves, and airfares are outrageous. You probably aren’t getting to lounge by the pool sipping a pina colada while quiet quitting. Most of us have to work – and work hard. Here are some tips to make sure the only burn you feel comes from the sun:

  1. Try a Power Hour:

Designate a “Power Hour” each week where you focus solely on tasks that bring you joy and energize you. Whether it’s doing some creative work, brainstorming new ideas, pursuing passion projects, or redecorating your office, this dedicated hour will help keep you engaged and prevent burnout.

  1. Schedule Mandatory Ice Cream Breaks:

Give yourself permission to step away from your desk and recharge. You can have ice cream sandwiches, frozen yogurt, or fruit bars – whatever cool treat you enjoy. If you lead a team, this is a great summer motivator. The challenge for most of us is we take too few breaks – you need them for your productivity and mental well-being. And what is life without sprinkles?

  1. Push for Unplugged Time:

Could you have a dedicated unplug hour where you and your colleagues disconnect from all electronic devices? Maybe it’s the first or last hour of each workday (or just an hour Monday mornings or Friday afternoons), giving everyone a break from constant notifications and interruptions. This would allow everyone to focus, think deeply, or engage in meaningful face-to-face conversations. At least consider it! Most people can’t do much deep thinking because they are suffering death from a thousand instant messages. Constant interruptions destroy productivity and skyrocket stress.

  1. Reassess Your Work:

If you are truly burned out (physically exhausted, not engaged, cynical, feeling unappreciated), maybe it’s time to consider a change. The change could be talking to your boss about new assignments (or fewer assignments) or it could be looking for a new job. Maybe you’ve outgrown your current position or feel your contributions aren’t recognized. If you dread going to work, take the time to figure out why. Then you can decide what action to take.

  1. Have a Lunchtime Adventure:

Instead of eating lunch at your desk, plan weekly lunchtime adventures with your co-workers. If you’re working from home, use this as a chance to stay connected. Explore local food trucks, have picnics in nearby parks, or embark on mini “foodie” tours in your city. If you can’t get away, order delivery from a new restaurant or organize a potluck lunch. Break up your routine and spend time with others.

  1. Try Mindful Walking Meetings:

Step away from the conference room and take your meetings outdoors. Who can’t use more fresh air, physical movement, and change of scenery? Discuss ideas, make decisions, and enjoy the benefits of both collaboration and nature.

  1. Use Your Vacation Days:

If you have vacation days available, use them! In the US, more vacation days go unused than in any other country. I know you’re too busy, but I promise you, there will ALWAYS be more work. There will not always be more life. Get out there and enjoy it will you can. To quote Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

  1. Start a Lunchtime Book Club:

Here’s a chance to justify those summer beach reads! Pick something escapist – I’m not talking about reading the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” This is more like “Pretty Little Liars.” Reading together allows for personal growth, bonding, and a break from work-related stress. What a great way to get to know each other and have fun! Taking the time to connect with your coworkers reduces stress and burnout.

  1. Be the Joy You Want to See in the World:

Spread joy and positivity by practicing random acts of kindness. Surprise co-workers with a handwritten note of appreciation or an uplifting text or IM. Leave someone’s favorite candy bar on their desk. You’ll find that giving to others is also a gift to yourself. Kindness has a ripple effect, creating a supportive and happier work environment. And really, can’t all offices use more peanut M & M’s?

  1. Give Yourself a Break:

I think most burnout comes from being too hard on yourself. If you think you can’t make time for any of these ideas, you’re being too hard on yourself. Would you tell your best friend, they can’t take five minutes to go outside and feel the sun on their face? That they need to eat lunch at their desk every day? That if they made a mistake, they should feel bad about it for the next decade? Treat yourself more like a friend and less like your worst enemy. Take your feet out of the fire.

Out of the Frying Pan – Diagnosing, Preventing and Curing Burnout

Does work that used to make you sizzle with excitement now just leave you feeling fried?  Do you feel like you’re working harder than ever but not getting as much done? Do you fantasize about just taking a nap?

As we try to get more done with fewer people in less time for less money, burnout rates are higher than ever. People are losing their passion, pep, and productivity. Quiet quitting is a thing. But we’re putting an end to all that! In this session you’ll:

  • Learn to identify burnout in yourself and others
  • Gain tools to get you out of the frying pan and back on fire!
  • Understand the two personality types that are most at risk for burning out
  • Receive tips to help your employees (or volunteers) deal with burnout

After this session, the only thing fried at your house will be chicken.

Communication Training Gets Results

This is the kind of email every motivational speaker wants to get – one letting you know your words really had an impact, that they generated a good return on investment:

Ms. Ryan,

I recently attended your presentation during the NC Rural Water Supervisors conference.  The exercises from your presentation helped me to realize a recent mistake I made with a crew of men.  I have since addressed the mistake with the men and morale was immediately uplifted. 

Tks again,

Lin Reynolds , Sampson County

“Morale was immediately uplifted” – yay! Lin had to do the heavy lifting of realizing his mistake and changing his behavior, but my program “How to Communicate with Everyone Who Isn’t You” gave him the information he needed. Look at all the people who benefited from this:

  • Lin – his employees are more motivated, and his leadership skills are enhanced
  • His employees – they enjoy their work more
  • His employer – they have a more skilled leader and happier employees
  • His family – Lin is now a better communicator and happier at work, so he’s better at home too
  • Sampson County – happier employees provide better service to citizens
  • The NC Rural Water Association – they have a member who now finds his membership even more valuable

The ripple effect could go on and on. Communicating with people different than you is one of the most important skills we can develop. It doesn’t just come naturally – we can get lazy and keep doing what’s not working. Bravo to Lin for taking the time to grow and for trying new things – he’s having a huge impact!

Communication training can help all of us – and this session is packed with tips you can put into use immediately.  Just ask Lin!